celine 的个人资料cserrsalad照片日志列表更多  |  工具 帮助 |
cserrsalad...just passing through, so lead me in the way everlasting... 10月10日 re-examining the so-called "typical life" of a single twentysomething in the big cityThere's a cry in my heart;
for Your glory to fall, for Your presence to fill up my senses There's a yearning again; a thirst for discipline, a hunger for things that are deeper Could You take me beyond? Could You carry me through? If I open my heart? Could I go there with You? For what do I have if I don't have You, Jesus? What in this life could mean any more? You are my rock You are my glory You are the lifter of my head Could You take me beyond?
Could You carry me through? If I open my heart? Could I go there with You? For I've been here before But I know there's still more Oh, Lord, I need to know You - starfield -
8月11日 ...he just smiled and gave me a vegemite sandwich...it's for reals now. having booked my flight tonight - i am officially making my way down under in less than 3 months!
i leave here on monday 6/11 (mish-mish's 21st bday!) and arrive there wednesday 8/11. i head back a mere 3 wks later, on the 27/11, where i will be joined by my sis-toh and poobutt square baleng-leng! the PARTAAAY will continue in DC!
sooooo excited to come home... what a bonus that i get to come home AND be a part of reeky and marbz's big day.:) CANNOT. WAIT. TO SEE YOU. ALL!!!
6月12日 the story of Atskeb - a distant memory and a lesson learntlast week, i updated my myspace profile. all i basically did was fill in my personal stats and the schools i went to, and from that, i had a few people from high school add me to their friends list. talk about a blast from the past!
two of the people who found and added me were a younger brother and sister of a once very close high school friend of mine.
let's call her Atskeb.:P
once upon a time, Atskeb and i were really close. both being children of school staff members, we killed time together in the schoolday afternoons as we waited for our parents to finish their work. we pigged out on lollies, read and shared books and music, watched perfect strangers on the library tv, talked about boys, sang songs, wrote letters to each other and often had sleepovers where we would stay up and talk, dream and imagine our weddings and futures. And like most female BestFriendsForever, we discussed the select few we would choose as our bridesmaids when That Time and That Man came on some far off day. from year 5 to our very last year of high school, she vowed that she would love to have me as one of the merry maids by her side on Her Big Day.
the ironic part is that when she actually did get married a year and a half ago, i wasn't even invited to the wedding.
it completely blindsided and disappointed me, because i had been there throughout a big part of the journey with her Life Partner To Be. i was there when back in year 7 and 8, she had the biggest crush on him and he barely noticed she was alive. i was there when he found a girlfriend, and she had to move on and found loves of her own. i was there when her attention came back to him and she asked me to join her in prayer about the direction of their relationship. i heard blow-by-blow accounts when in our second year of being uni students, God started to open his eyes to the beautiful woman before him. on the valentine's day he decided to come over and declare his love for her, i was the giddy girlfriend primping her and shrieking at the arrival of his car as we waited in her room for him to arrive. i was the first person she called a few moments later when i was driving off and she and he had returned from a moonlit walk where he finally felt it was time to let her know how he felt. i shared their joy like it was my own, so i guess this is why years later, i felt entitled to sharing their Biggest Day!
...but i guess our friendship had been slowly faltering over the years. nothing dramatic, just a quiet descent into politeness and distance. notice that there isn't anything in between when he told her he loved her and wanted to be with her and when they decided to get married? i guess i was too caught up with my own life. i remember calling her the day i got an email saying that she and he were engaged, and she seemed very formal and cold. i was taken aback but disregarded it and went on with my life. there were many more instances like this and she must've seen the end a lot earlier and made a decision about an action to take much sooner than i, because when it finally came to my attention that there was really something wrong, it was too late.
i must've hurt her and didn't even know it until i felt hurt by her. selfish! it looks like i just couldn't see past the end of my own nose!!
when i told her (after her wedding) how i felt about the whole thing, one thing she said was that "friends know what is happening in each other's lives", which of course implied that i had been a very negligent friend. she said she didn't think that i would've cared and ended her email by saying "if you want to stay in touch, that's fine with me". we exchanged emails a few times after that particular correspondence, but it was clear that she had let go of the friendship long ago, had lost trust and faith in me as a friend and no longer felt the need to repair it. it sucked because i felt like i had no say in when she made that decision.
to this day, i dont deny that it was majorly my fault that our friendship went to pieces. i know that i can be SUPER slack with keeping in touch with people and many of her emails or calls went unreturned, but this all still took me by surprise, because in my mind, i had never changed the way i thought of or looked upon our friendship.
in my mind, she was always the same Atskeb. the ever faithful true friend who understood that i loved and thought of her in my own way. the kind who would always listen and encourage and pray for you and be loyal to you. the kind who would always be there despite distance and silence....and i thought we would always be those same friends who could share deep faith-filled encouragement and insights as well as moments of pure silliness and fun rooted in a solid friendship.
it's true that there are friends who you can not see for ages but still maintain the same connection with when you do finally catch up with them, but there are also friends who need to see/feel/hear your love and care demonstrated on a regular basis. to them, actions, and not just memories and loyalty, are what make a friendship work.
i dont blame her for giving up on our friendship, she had to do what she had to do, but when i saw her brother and sister, it totally made me miss her! i know it's going to require a lot of humility to break down and keep emailing her despite her polite, short replies. i hope one day we can share some semblance of the kind of God-sent friendship that we had, but for now, i pray and wish that God is looking after she and her hubby as they continue on their journey and build their life on the other side of the world way out in the back of Burke. 5月27日 lorelai and rorywhy my baby sis gotta grow up??
chi was such a cute, pleasant, happy, smart, talkative, sometimes annoying, daydreaming entertaining performer of a chub monster baby and kid -- oh, wait. she's still all that! well... bar the chub monster and baby part, and switch it to a blossoming, kind, Christ-seeking and mature young lady, and there you have her!:P
im probably totally embarassing her, making her feel pressured (not intended), sounding like an agro soccer mom who's completely biased towards their child, and putting her at risk of me being able to scratch her head from the northern hemisphere, but it's sucky to not be around to watch her grow into a beauty.
dont worry chalupa, one day we will be reunited and we shall shop, give/receive fashion advice, sip lattes, drive around, make silly voice recordings, dance like maniacs, chat till ridiculous hours of the night and carry on like the fools that we are! 5月21日 well, well, well..whaddya know...
it looks like my msn space has evolved from being a blog to a place to post pictures. i will write somekinduvan update at some point...but for now, drop me a comment if you want to tell me something but an email would require too much energy. hehe! i know how it is. :P
how are you all doing out there?? what's new? the msn space world seems to be very quiet these days!
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